The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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