WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
