What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
