My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
