What a fucking waste of an outfit
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
love makes seman taste better
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
