Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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