420 ftw
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
