They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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