I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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