Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i think i just lost a toe
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh god it's open bar.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
