Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
