ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
