why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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