I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
