never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
