remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
