3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
