WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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