i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
