we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
