i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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