i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
