I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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