So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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