My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
