I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
