Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
