I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had to cum in my sink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
