just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
