rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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