dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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