oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
