Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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