True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
