Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
