Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
