He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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