the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
