i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
