hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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