That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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