I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
