I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
