And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
