More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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