the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
