So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
