I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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