My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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