Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
