I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
