I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
