He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
