He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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