There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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