I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
