just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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