i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
