i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
